


One of Many

by yutorin



Series: The Heisei Kumi [7]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: M/M, Nudity, Originally Posted in 2015, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 20:02:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20823002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutorin/pseuds/yutorin





	One of Many

It was getting to be late into the night, and Daiki had entered the bedroom with the intention of simply grabbing the extra deck of cards from his sock drawer and returning downstairs to destroy Yuto and Yabu in a game of poker. However as soon as he entered the room all thoughts of a late night card game left his mind, and he stopped in his tracks, immediately concerned. Yamada was sitting there on the edge of their shared bed, the twenty-one year old in a tank top and sweatpants. He was hunched over, elbows resting on his knees, hands folded in the empty space between his legs, his skull necklace dangling from around his neck. He had obviously been in deep thought, his expression unreadable as he glanced up at Daiki.

"Ryosuke." Daiki let his concern for his boyfriend into his voice, and he shut the door behind himself at once, a wordless attempt at privacy, because he had a small uneasy feeling that whatever Yamada had been thinking about wasn’t something to be taken lightly. Trying to show the younger man that whatever Yamada had been mulling over, he could be looked to for support, and was willing to listen. Yamada pursed his lips, his gaze fixed on the floor, and they fell into a heavy silence, before Yamada said

"Dai-chan...I want to try something." Daiki immediately felt a nearly sickening concoction of anticipation and anxiety drop into his stomach at those words. Yamada only used that phrase in one context, and it always made Daiki feel this way.

Yamada had been sexually abused as a child, back before Daiki or the kumi, and his experience—while having left no physical scars—had left some deep emotional ones. When Daiki had first met him he would rarely let anyone touch him at all. It had been a long and arduous process for Daiki to get Yamada to trust him, and then agree to dating him. And even once they had first started dating Yamada would rarely let Daiki kiss him. They had come a long way since then, and it was still an ongoing exercise. Yet while Daiki was perfectly happy to simply keep their physical relationship strictly to the level Yamada felt comfortable with, Yamada had expressed to Daiki that he hated that they couldn't do the things—physically— that other couples could. That they had to be so much more careful than other couples did, because of him. Because of what Kamiki had done to him. And so occasionally he would decide that he was ready to take another step in their physical relationship, and whenever he did it was always accompanied by that simple phrase.

"Okay." Daiki said, still standing there by the door, his heart pounding in his ears, and Yamada looked up at him, and he said without any embarrassment or shame

"I want to try seeing you naked." Daiki suddenly felt as though he had swallowed his tongue. In the nearly six years they had been together, Yamada had never once seen him completely naked. They'd been in the same room and had changed, sure, but there had always been pointedly turned backs, and a rushed shuffling in and out of pants. They'd never seen each other without at least some clothing, and he wasn't so sure that Yamada was ready for a step of this level. But Yamada seemed very serious, so once he found his voice he only asked once

"Are you sure?" After a moment, Yamada nodded.

"If it gets to be too much I'll tell you to stop. But I want to try."

"Okay." Is all Daiki manages to get out, and for a moment he stands there, unmoving, feeling intimidated by the task at hand. He turned back to the door, locking it quietly, his thoughts racing. He was afraid that there was a chance that Ryosuke could become upset, or feel hurt because of what they were about to do, and that chance was one Daiki hated more than anything. More than anything else in the world he didn't want to hurt Ryosuke. But he had never been able to decline something Ryosuke asked of him, and if this was something that Yamada wanted him to do, then as per usual he wouldn't refuse him.

And with that last thought in mind, he nodded and reached for the end of his shirt, slowly slipping it up and off of his head, his own matching skull necklace thumping him in the chest as it slid through the neck hole, its metal surface cool against his skin. He moved slowly, allowing the top to gradually show more and more skin, giving Yamada plenty of time to stop him before he shed it completely, letting it crumple to the floor beside him. But Yamada didn't move from his spot on the bed, and so after a moment Daiki reached for his belt, undoing the buckle and sliding it out from the loops on his jeans, before tossing it too to the floor.

His fingers hovered over the clasp on his pants, and he looked up and across the room at his boyfriend; but Yamada had his eyes fixed on Daiki's hands, no sign of fear or anxiety on his face, and so Daiki undid the button and zipper and slowly, carefully, slid his jeans down his thighs until they were crumpled around his ankles. The room was dead silent, and he felt conscious of all of the noise he was making, and so as quietly as he could he stepped out of his pants, kicking them away and leaving him in nothing but his underwear. It was there that he stopped, feeling immensely concerned for Ryosuke, the boy he loved, and he knew that Yamada could see the unspoken question in his eyes. The tentative _'is this too much?'_ And Daiki still couldn't tell what Yamada was thinking, his expression unchanged throughout the whole process. But then Yamada just said quietly

"Keep going, Dai-chan." Daiki can feel his heart speed up as he hooks one thumb under the elastic of his underwear, and he'd never thought he would feel this self conscious around Yamada, or around anyone, if he was to be honest. He didn't embarrass easily. But he slowly pulls them down, extremely aware of Yamada's eyes on him, watching as he exposes himself from where the younger man remained seated on the edge of their bed. And then all at once they crumple to the floor, the last of his clothes, and he steps out of them, kicking them to the side with the rest of his garments.

He just stands there, feet together, hands down by his sides, feeling fragile and opened up in his nakedness. Yamada still hadn't moved, hadn't even shifted, but his eyes are traveling, running up and down Daiki's body and taking everything in. Daiki still can't read his expression, the younger man's face void of emotion as he looks at him, and Daiki waits for something to happen, waits for a sign of some sort that this was either good or bad, some flicker of emotion to let him know what he was supposed to do, but it doesn't come.

Instead Yamada slowly stands up from his place on the bed, and then in his own time, with purpose, he walks from that spot—a safe distance away—to where Daiki is standing. He stands there, facing Daiki for a moment, and he's close enough that if Daiki just leaned forward a bit he could kiss him. But Daiki doesn't, he doesn't move at all, very aware of his body and his limbs and the way he was breathing and how often he blinked and _everything_ really, and he murmurs

"Ryosuke." He wanted Yamada to understand that it was okay. That they could stop. He didn't have to push himself any farther. That no matter what, Daiki loved him, and wanted him to feel safe. But Yamada didn't step away, or tell him that he'd had enough. Instead Yamada closed the gap between them completely, wrapping his arms around Daiki's shoulders in a hug, pulling him in close and hooking his chin over Daiki's shoulder. Daiki can feel Yamada's heart pounding as if he'd just been in a fight, he can feel just how tense Yamada is, and so he just stands still, letting Yamada hug him, feeling his boyfriend's chest rise and fall with every breath, only the fabric of Yamada's thin tank top separating them.

Daiki can feel Yamada's heart slowing down, his breathing no longer rapid, and he can sense him relaxing, his muscles losing their tension, and the younger man leans into him just a bit. Once this happens, once Yamada feels comfortable, Daiki slowly brings his own arms up to wrap themselves around Yamada's waist, sure to keep them loose so that he can pull away at any time. But Yamada doesn't pull away, and they stand like this for what seems to Daiki like an eternity.

Daiki feels that _this,_ standing there in the bedroom that they share, completely naked and holding Yamada like this, is the most intimate thing in the world. As they stand there love swells in Daiki's chest. The longer they stand there the bigger this feeling grows until he thinks he may just burst with it, his love for Yamada, for this amazing man wrapped in his arms so deep and profound that the thought of life without it makes him feel nauseous and frightened and tiny. And he finds himself tightening his grip on Yamada, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him properly, burying his face into the nape of Yamada's neck. He loses himself in Yamada's heartbeat and the scent of roses that always lingered on Yamada's skin and in his hair, and he finds himself murmuring

"I love you." At those words Yamada let out a breath, and Daiki immediately pulled away, taking a step back and separating their bodies, concern slicing through him like the blade of a knife. Was Yamada okay? Had he done something wrong? Had he gone too far? He apologizes at once, afraid, but Yamada smiles softly, and he's completely genuine when he says

"No. It's fine." He pauses, eyes locked on Daiki's face. "I really liked this." Daiki feels the smile blooming on his lips, and he wants to kiss Yamada. He wants to kiss him so badly. But he doesn't; still very aware of his nudity, and unwilling to test his boyfriend any farther. Instead he goes to his dresser, pulling out his pajamas and slipping them on in a rush, and once he's finally clothed he pauses to ask

"So it was okay?" Yamada nods, and that's when Daiki finally presses his lips to Yamada's own, relieved that the experiment had gone so well. Once they break the kiss they curl up in bed, Daiki's arms wrapped around Yamada from behind, and for a while they just cuddle, Daiki taking care to make Yamada feel loved and safe after the way he'd tested his limits, the older man placing chaste kisses on Yamada’s shoulders and back. He feels Yamada’s heartbeat, calm and steady in his chest, feels that his muscles aren’t tense, and he can’t fight the sense of accomplishment growing in his chest. It's only after they turn off the light, properly ready to go to sleep that Yamada says rather proudly

"One more step." Daiki hums in agreement.

"One of many." He murmurs into muscle of Yamada's back between his shoulder blades up by his neck, right where he knows one of the leaves of Yamada's tattoo is etched, before placing a quick kiss there. They had already come so far, it was amazing really.It had been lots of little steps, and he knew that this one was just that. One little step. One of the many that they would take together, throughout the course of their lives. And Daiki knew that no matter how long it took, he would be there when Yamada decided that where they were at just wasn't enough anymore. And he would support Yamada with every fiber in his being, and he would love him. He would love him until he breathed his last breath.


End file.
